Keeping that Spice Alive
Our story dates back to the 80s, the time of pegged jeans, big hair and Walkman radios. I moved to the area in the 5th grade and by high school, we had become best friends, enjoying the chain restaurant “Chi-Chi’s” often and even going to school dances together, albeit just friends. I would leave for the Navy’s boot camp in August 1991, just two months after graduation from high school and by the time Christmas arrived that December, we went from friends to being engaged to married. It was Christmas Eve 1991 when we sat on Santa’s lap in downtown Akron, OH when I slid off the big man’s lap and asked Marjie to be my wife. I was 19 to her newly-turned 20. 11 months later, we’d marry.
The 90s were mostly us being young and naive and me serving on active duty in the Navy and by 2001, I hung up the uniform and we returned to our hometown with a 1 year old and another one on the way. In the interim, we moved to Colorado, built a house, sold that house and moved away in the span of one year. We hit a pretty big bottom in our relationship just prior to that but rebounded well and ready to raise our two girls. In 2007, my desire to serve got the best of me and I returned to uniform but in a part-time capacity while our hometown in Ohio remained our home. The same place we graduated high school from in 1991 would also be the alma mater of our girls.
In the post-9/11 world and the longest war going on in history and often in two countries, I deployed twice to the war zone and again, more challenge faced us in our marital life. I have told my/our story many times and in short, we are nothing short of a miracle. By the world’s standards, we should’ve been done long ago and me 6 feet under. But by the grace of God showing up in a big way and two people dying to themselves and turning towards one another selflessly, we are here today. And we’re not just here, we’re thriving.
In marriage and honestly, in any relationship, there has to be give and take. There also has to be an effort to reach across the table, per se, and compromise for the good of the other and the relationship. I often see many living life, appearing to be happy and firing on all cylinders, but really just operating in parallel, as if on railroad tracks. They are side by side but their lives don’t necessarily intersect much. For us, we are very different and have extremely different likes and dislikes:
- She loves to read. I despise it.
- I crave a soul-crushing workout. She’d rather sip her java and watch.
- She loves to sleep…like REALLY sleep. 6hrs is good for me.
- I love technology. She tolerates it.
- She’s left-handed. I’m right…handed.
- I love spreadsheets. Her: “Sheets belong only on a bed and me under them!”
- If Nicholas Sparks wrote it, she wants to watch it. Me? Wake me when it’s over and then let’s watch Star Wars. (She has never seen ANY of the franchise’s films.)
That’s just a sampling of differences but we have a lot of similarities, too. We both love to serve. We have a passion for marriages and fully believe our marriage was redeemed so that we can serve others. We love long walks, craft breweries (and short trips that introduce us to new ones), doing fitness together and just spending good ‘ol time together. Often, that means us watching another episode of New Amsterdam, A Million Little Things, Ozark or yet another YouTube video on thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail. (our current BIG goal on the horizon in the next 3–5 years)
Just this past Christmas, I returned home from my longest deployment of my 23+ years of service. Instead of this trip serving as a wrecking ball to our relationship, it strengthened it. It was a reset, of course, but also cemented us in what is truly important to us. It has renewed our every day and really pushed us towards living INTENTIONALLY vs. just letting life drift on by. Intentionality can and will revolutionize any relationship. That includes intentionally making those train tracks cross. Do things with each other that the other likes…even if it’s not totally your jam. Create memories, laugh, and enjoy life together but focus on them, not you.
